The Things We Do
by Coffee Monsta
Summary: The dull thud of a heavy object landing somewhere close by was the last thing Archer heard before the grenade went off.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Whew... this one's angsty, guys. Like really, _really, REALLY_ angsty. It is angsty to the point that I felt depressed writing it... :'(**

 **...On that happy note, enjoy reading it! :D**

* * *

 **Georgian-Russian Border**

 **Mission: Loose Ends**

 **August 15, 2016**

 **Archer P.O.V**

We had touched down not even an hour ago, and already everything was going to shit. First, we went through the minefield- which went pretty well for us... until one was triggered and Roach almost got blown to bits. Shortly after that, the Russians ambushed us and advanced on our position using a smokescreen for cover- which brings me to now.

We had been slowly making progress toward the safehouse, but these troops certainly didn't make it easy. In this area, trees were pretty much our only available option as far as cover went. And there were plenty of them, but they were fairly spread out, so breaking cover to move was risky. You had to time it just right or you'd be killed. Almost every time I moved from one tree to the next, one of those bastards would jump out of the smoke and attack. I came pretty damn close to being shot a few times.

But soon the smoke began to thin and it was easier to track their movements. They were flat out of luck when that happened. The only reason they'd slowed us down in the first place was because of their numbers and the smokescreen. But now the smokescreen was gone and because of that, their numbers were rapidly decreasing.

We quickly took out the rest of them and moved on.

When we reached the safehouse, there was far more resistance than we had expected. Russians were everywhere. As we fought our way toward the safehouse, I couldn't help but think, _even for us, this is going to be a difficult mission..._

I broke cover and took out several Russians, and out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw movement. I took aim and put a bullet through the skull of a soldier who was just standing there, his right arm coming down as if he had just thrown something.

 _As if he had just thrown something._

I heard a dull _thud_ a few yards away from me. Only then did it register in my mind that he had thrown a grenade.

"Archer, move!" Toad screamed, but it was too late.

There was a click, and the grenade exploded. The force of it hit me like a wall, sending me flying back. Sharp pieces of shrapnel followed me, cutting right through my clothes and burying themselves in my skin. It was agonizing. Then I landed hard against the firm, unforgiving ground.

I blacked out.

* * *

Toad had started running for Archer before the grenade had even gone off, but by the time he reached him the damage was done. He was unconscious, blood staining his combat gear and the ground beneath him. His leg looked pretty bad- it had a piece of shrapnel the size of Toad's palm sticking out of it. Not a good thing. His right arm was twisted at an odd angle- most likely because he had landed about as wrong as it was possible to land.

Worst of all, he'd landed out in the open- just a few yards away from cover. Luckily his unconsciousness came in handy, because he looked dead. The enemy was too far away to be able to see him breathing- which he was.

Toad didn't hesitate to break cover and go get him- even with his friends yelling at him to stay behind cover until it was safer. He could tell just by looking that Archer might not last that long. He looked dead already- which scared him half to death despite the fact that it was the only reason Archer wasn't currently being shot at.

Bullets whizzed past him as he grabbed Archer's good arm and threw him over his shoulder. On his way back, one of the Russians managed to hit him. A bullet buried itself in his upper left arm and he groaned, biting the inside of his mouth to hold back a pained cry.

All he could think was- _at_ _least it wasn't Archer._

He finally made it back to cover and carefully set Archer down, grabbing his radio and calling for immediate med-evac. Then he pulled a roll of gauze from his bag and tied it firmly in place around his arm. It hurt like hell, but he knew that if he didn't stop- or at least slow- the bleeding, he wasn't going to be able to help Archer.

Doc's voice came in over the radio, asking, "What's the situation, Toad?"

"Archer got too close- _fuck-_...to a grenade and he's losing a lot of blood."

"Alright, and how are you doing? You don't sound so good."

"Hurry and head for the evac point. I'll meet you there." He replied, completely ignoring Doc's question.

"...See you there."

He felt bad about leaving the others behind, but he knew they could handle themselves. He tried not to think about how bad he'd feel if anything happened to them, but he pushed the thought aside and picked Archer up.

"You better get moving, Toad!" Scarecrow yelled over the gunfire.

"Yeah, man, we'll be fine. Take care of Archie for us!" Ozone said, waving to him before breaking cover to take out more Russians.

Had Archer been conscious, he probably would have whacked Ozone for calling him that (only Toad was allowed). The thought made him smile even though his arm felt like it was being dipped in acid.

He let out a shaky sigh and replied, "Alright, I'll see you guys back at base. But for fuck's sake, be careful!"

"Yeah, yeah, mom. Get moving while we're still willing to cover your scrawny arse." That was Ghost.

He rolled his eyes and made sure he had a good hold on Archer before he started moving. There was a large clearing roughly two miles west that would serve as the evac point. His arm burned like hell, but he did his best to ignore it and keep going. He had to if he wanted Archer to have any chance of surviving this.

He was absolutely terrified that if he didn't get there in time, the younger man would die. He wouldn't be able to cope with the guilt he would feel if that happened.

 _No,_ he thought stubbornly, _Archer's gonna be fine._

...He quickened his pace.

It was freezing there, and despite the many layers he was wearing, when he reached the evac point he was shivering. Doc was already there, and he ran over when he saw them.

"Set him down over there." He said, and they moved to one side of the clearing so they wouldn't be in the way when their evac came.

Toad was covered in Archer's blood from carrying him, but some of it was his own. The bullet wound in his arm was still oozing blood, but it was less than before. He had bigger problems to worry about anyways. He was pulled from his thoughts when Doc spoke.

"Your arm- did the bullet go all the way through or is it still in there?"

His automatic reply was:

"I'm fine. Just take care of Archer."

Doc sighed and said, "As soon as we get Archer sorted out, I'm taking a look at it."

"As long as you take care of him first."

They carefully pulled off his combat gear, trying their best not to jostle him in fear of shifting the shrapnel in his wounds and causing more bleeding. After that, he checked his pulse and listened to his breathing- neither of which were good. His breathing was rapid and shallow, and his pulse was weak. He was so pale that his skin almost matched the flurries of snow that had begun to fall from the sky, and his lips and fingernails were tinted blue.

"Shit," Doc sighed, grabbing his bag and rummaging through it. "He's in hypovolemic shock."

Toad's stomach dropped. He felt like he was going to be sick.

"What does that mean?" He asked nervously.

"It means we need to get that big piece of shrapnel out of his leg and tie off the artery it severed before he bleeds out."

The words _before he bleeds out_ rang in Toad's mind. The thought of losing Archer terrified him to the very core. He couldn't lose him. He wouldn't know what to do without Archer. The man was like his oxygen. Without him, he would suffocate. He could feel his panic rising like a tidal wave, threatening to overwhelm him. It took an enormous amount of effort for him to focus and take a deep breath.

He looked at Doc and asked, "...Here?"

"Yes, here. The evac could take up to twenty minutes to arrive, and the only way he'll survive that long is if we stop the bleeding. Now come here and help me."

He sat down on the ground beside Archer and looked at Doc, who was currently busy cutting a large hole in Archer's pants so he had room to work.

"Alright, I need you to keep his leg absolutely still while I work. It's not likely, but if he moves and I cut something... Let's just say it won't be good." He said as he examined the shrapnel in his leg.

He nodded and placed his hands on either side of Archer's leg, keeping it in place.

"It looks like this went straight in, which is good. You ready?"

He didn't trust himself to speak, so he just hummed in reply.

"Mhmmm."

Doc carefully pulled out the piece of shrapnel and put it aside. Archer didn't even react. Toad assumed he couldn't feel it, which he was glad for, but at the same time he wondered if it was a bad sign... Blood began pouring from the wound, but the medic was quick to mop it up. He then pulled a device from his bag that looked similar to scissors.

"This is a clamp. There's so much blood because his femoral artery was severed by the shrapnel. I need you to clamp it to stop the bleeding so I can tie it off." He explained, pushing the clamp into his hands.

He nodded and clamped the artery where Doc showed him to. The bleeding stopped after a few moments, but he was far from relieved. Archer was practically comatose, and his breathing was labored. His pulse was still weak, and that scared him. No, it terrified him. What if Archer died? What the hell would he do then? Archer was the best thing in his life. The only thing he cared about, when it came right down to it.

If he lost him, there wold be no point in living.

"-oad. Toad? Hey, you can release the clamp now. I've tied off the artery." Doc said quietly.

"Wha- oh. Sorry." He mumbled, releasing the clamp and handing it to him.

"That's alright, you did great. Now I just gotta disinfect the wound and sew him up. Do you know how to set a broken arm?"

"Uhh..."

"No? That's fine then, don't worry about it."

He went to work on cleaning out the wound and Toad held Archer's good hand while he watched. The medic was just about to start stitching up the wound when they heard helicopter rotors nearby.

"I'll stitch him up on the heli." He sighed, putting his supplies away and holding his bag out for Toad to take.

He raised an eyebrow in question, and Doc laughed.

"You really think I'm going to let you carry him with a bullet wound in your arm?"

"But I-"

"Hell no. Be glad I'm letting you carry anything." He said firmly as he examined Archer's dogtag.

"Why-"

"What's your blood type?"

"A Positive. Why?"

"Archer's going to need a blood transfusion when we get on the helicopter."

"I'll do it."

"I know you _would._ But with that bullet wound, it's more a question of if you _can."_

No. He wouldn't take that for an answer. If Archer needed blood and he could give it to him, no one was going to stop him from doing so. Even if it meant putting his own life in danger, he didn't care. As long as Archer was okay, his life didn't matter.

"I'll be fine."

"Yeah, well we'll see about that."

Their evac landed. Doc carefully picked up Archer and they got on the helicopter, Toad grumbling as he carried Doc's bag and Archer's blood-stained combat gear. They greeted the pilot and he told them how long the flight would be, then they settled in and Doc looked at Toad.

"Come here and let me see your arm." He ordered, patting the seat next to him.

Toad eyed him warily and said, "Only if you hook me up to him first. He needs blood."

He sighed and said, "There's nothing I could say or do to convince you to let me see that first, is there?"

"No."

"Fine. Come over here and lay down on the bed beside Archer's." He said, looking through a duffel bag of medical supplies that had been hanging on a hook.

He nodded and went to lay beside Archer without a word. Doc finally found what he needed- two sterilized needles and an empty blood bag with two long thin tubes coiled around it.

"Alright," he said, walking over and hanging the bag from the IV stand between the beds. "Give me your good arm."

He held it out and he cleaned the top of his hand with an alcohol swab before opening the package with the needle in it. Then he attached the needle to the tube on Toad's side. Doc examined his hand, poking around in certain places and looking at the veins for a minute or so before sliding the needle into one.

Toad did his best not to cringe, and Doc laughed.

"Not fond of needles?" He asked as blood flowed into the tube.

"...Not really."

"Just be glad I found the vein on my first try. And are you satisfied now?"

Toad glanced at Archer and shook his head.

"No... because there's no blood going into him."

"That's because I haven't put the needle in him yet, genius. And the bag needs to have a decent amount of blood in it before I hook him up anyways, so it'll be a few minutes."

"Oh..."

"And after I finish fixing Archer up, I'm taking a look at that arm."

"Mhmmm, whatever."

He rolled his eyes and got to work. First, he stitched up Archer's leg and wrapped it in bandages. Then he set his arm and strapped it into a splint. After that, he checked him all over- looking for more shrapnel wounds.

He found several, but they were minor compared to the one in his leg. He carefully removed the shrapnel, cleaned out the wounds, and stitched up the few that needed it.

All that took about 15 minutes, and by then the blood bag was over halfway full.

"Will you hook him up _now?"_ Toad whined.

"I'm about to, so quit whining. He's going to be fine."

He watched intently as he hooked Archer up as well.

"Now I'm satisfied." He said, giving Doc a small smile.

"Good, because now it's your turn to get fixed up. Let's see what's going on with that arm of yours, huh?"

"Ugh."

"Don't you 'ugh' me." Doc laughed, cutting away his shirt and the bandages that had been hastily tied around the wound to slow the bleeding.

The sight beneath was not pretty. Dark bruises surrounded the bullet hole in his arm, which throbbed with pain even when he laid perfectly still. There was no exit wound, which meant the bullet was still in him. And his arm was covered in dried blood and mud. In other words, it was going to be a bitch to get cleaned up.

"...I was hoping there'd be an exit wound." Doc sighed, rummaging through his bag.

"And you think I wasn't? Now I have to lay here while you dig around in my arm with tweezers."

"You won't feel anything anyways. I'm going to give you a local anesthetic."

"Ugh."

"...Would you rather I not?"

"No... just thinking about needles."

"Well don't. You're going to freak yourself out. Listen to your radio or something- check on the team."

"Yeah... that's a good idea." He replied, pulling his radio from his pocket and turning the sound up.

There was a lot of static at first, but it gradually got clearer. They were in the safehouse now, defending it while Roach downloaded all the information they needed. He winced when he felt a sharp prick in his arm, but he tried his best to ignore it and focus on the team's progress. After a few minutes, he began to lose feeling in his arm- which was a nice break from the constant intense burn he had previously been feeling.

When Doc started working, he looked the other way, not wanting to see what he was doing. Besides, looking the other way included a nice view- Archer. Even as pale as a sheet of paper and half dead, he was still cute.

His attention was pulled back to the radio when he heard Chemo yell, "There's way more coming on the west side! Get over here before we're overw-"

He was interrupted by a very loud gunshot, and he said no more.

"-emo is KIA! I repeat, Chemo is KIA!" Ozone reported.

Toad's heart plummeted. Doc stopped working and sat very still, listening to make sure he'd heard correctly.

Ghost spat several curses and growled, "Roach, if you don't hurry the fuck up-"

"I'm almost done! I just need-"

The static returned and Toad turned the radio off. His stomach was in knots and the guilt he felt was suffocating. If he had been there, Chemo might have survived- which is why even though he had to, he hated himself for leaving. Chemo had always been a nice guy. Quiet, sure, but he was friendly nonetheless. Most importantly, he had a loving family back home.

...A family who would never get to see him again because Toad hadn't been there to help.

"Toad... it's not your fault. There wasn't anything you could've done." Doc finally said, continuing to work.

He vaguely heard a _clin_ _k_ as the bullet was dropped into a tray.

"I should've been there to help..." He said quietly as tears gathered in his eyes.

"Archer got hurt and he needed you. You were there for him, and that's why he's still alive right now."

"But Chemo isn't."

"You can't save everybody, Toad. That's the hardest thing you'll ever learn in this line of work."

"I hate it."

"I know, and I do too. But it wasn't your fault. It wasn't _anyone's_ fault."

"I know... I just... He had a family."

Doc sighed and said, "Just be glad you were lucky enough to save Archer. He's looking better now, isn't he?"

Toad glanced at him and allowed himself a small smile. He did look better- some color had returned to his cheeks and his lips and fingernails were no longer tinted blue. He didn't look dead anymore, which Toad was thankful for.

"Yeah... he looks much better."

"I knew he would. He just needed a little time... and blood. Oh, and I'm almost done stitching you up. You'll have to take painkillers and get plenty of rest for a week or two, but you'll live."

"Ugh."

"Don't whine about it, you'll be fine. Now, I suggest you get some rest. We've got a long ride ahead of us."

"Alright... thanks, Doc."

He patted his shoulder and smiled, saying, "Just doing my job."

Then he busied himself with cleaning and putting up the supplies he'd used.

Toad sighed and looked at Archer one last time before he closed his eyes... But he ended up laying there and thinking. His mind was full of thoughts on what had happened that day. He couldn't stop seeing that awful, horrifying moment when the grenade had gone off and sent Archer flying. He couldn't get the image of his bloody, shrapnel-riddled body lying motionless on the ground out of his mind.

The thought of losing Archer always had and always would scare him more than anything else ever could.

...He didn't get any sleep that day.

* * *

 **A/N: Omg this was so angsty... and that's why I love it! Angst is the best! Anyways, I'm going to start working on chapter two almost immediately, so it should be out soon!**

 **Also, SpitfireUSN helped me a ton with this story! Without her help, I wouldn't have been able to publish it so soon (I literally started working on it last night, so this first chapter took less than 24 hours to finish, thanks to her)! She is awesome! :D **

**Thanks for reading!** **Please leave me some reviews! I'm not kidding when I say they make my day :3**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm back! This chapter is angstier than the last... Toad is not a happy person... so beware. :)**

* * *

 **Toad P.O.V**

As soon as we'd gotten back to base, Doc had said a bunch of fancy medical stuff and rushed Archer off to surgery. That was two hours ago, and in those two long hours, my creative mind had thought up every single way something could have gone wrong.

...And there was a shit ton of them.

Archer could have bled out because Doc slipped and cut something he wasn't supposed to. He could never wake up. He could have brain damage. He could have a piece of shrapnel still stuck in him somewhere because Doc missed it. There could be bone fragments from his broken arm that cause severe internal bleeding. His heart could just randomly stop beating.

But one horrifying thought always remained at the front of my mind- _what if something happened and Doc couldn't bring him back?_

The mere thought of it shoved the oxygen from my lungs and made my stomach twist into knots. I was so scared of something going wrong that I felt like I was going to throw up.

I couldn't sit still the entire time Archer was in that operating room. Most of the time, I paced right outside the door, listening for anything that might indicate he was okay. But there was nothing to hear other than Doc asking for a scalpel or a clamp every once in a while. Before he had closed the door, he'd told me not to worry. He'd said to go get some food and rest while he operated, because it was going to take a while.

But I couldn't bring myself to leave. Being right outside made me feel as if I had some control over the situation- even though I was painfully aware that I didn't. And the thought of eating anything was about as far out of my mind as it was possible to get.

I thought it hadn't been possible to worry any more than I already was, but it was going on two and a half hours now, and my worry grew with each passing minute.

 _What could possibly be taking so long?_ I wondered as I turned and continued to pace.

My legs felt like jelly and my feet were so sore I didn't even want to think about it, but none of that mattered. Archer was the only important thing right now.

I was so shocked when the door opened that I almost ran into it. Doc pushed a sleeping Archer out into the hallway on a gurney, sighing when he saw me standing there.

"Why am I not surprised to see you waiting outside?"

I ignored his comment and asked, "Is Archer gonna be okay?"

"He should be fine after a month or so- assuming he gets enough rest, eats properly, and there are no complications during the healing process."

 _Well that's good..._

He continued, "I had to put a few pins in his arm to hold the joints together and keep the bone in the proper position. I also removed all the bone fragments near the break. Then I fixed his leg up- that's what took the longest, because I had to be absolutely certain there wasn't any more shrapnel in the wound. It'll be a while before he walks again, but I'm confident he'll make a full recovery."

I was so incredibly relieved that I didn't trust myself to speak. ...But I knew we weren't out of the woods yet. I wouldn't be able to believe he was actually okay until he woke up and spoke to me.

"...But I do have one major concern." Doc said as we turned a corner and entered the double doors of the med bay.

My stomach dropped. All of my relief disappeared so quickly that I wondered if I had ever actually been relieved in the first place. Doc must've seen the blood drain from my face, because his expression went from thoughtful to concerned in about half a second.

"Breathe, Toad. It's nothing life-threatening. Archer's still going to be fine, I promise."

I tried to stay calm, but when doctors say they have a major concern, it's usually pretty damn bad.

"...What's wrong with him then?" I asked around the lump in my throat.

"I need to know how close he was to the grenade when it went off." He said, hooking Archer up to an IV and a heart monitor.

"Uhh... A few yards, maybe? He was pretty close to it..."

Doc nodded thoughtfully, mumbling a few medical terms as he dug through a drawer of medical supplies.

As if on cue, the scene replayed in my mind. My stomach lurched violently and I gagged. I had been so anxious and on edge all day that I was already nauseas, but seeing that again was the final straw.

"Toad? Are you alri-"

He didn't get to finish his sentence before I ran to the trashcan in the corner of the room. I retched as my stomach heaved goopy chunks of food into the trashcan. I heard Doc sigh somewhere behind me, and a moment later I could hear water running from the sink. Just as another round started, he set a glass of water on the table a few feet away from me, patting my back on his way back to Archer's bed.

When my stomach was empty, I dry heaved a few times and it finally stopped. I groaned as I spat out a few leftover clumps of food, then did it a few more times in a feeble attempt to get the disgusting taste out of my mouth.

"Wash your mouth out with water. It'll help." Doc said quietly.

I grabbed the glass of water he had left for me and rinsed my mouth out a few times, sighing when I was done.

I felt shitty.

I trudged over to the bed beside Archer's and sat down.

"...What was your concern?" I asked, wincing slightly as my throat- which was now sore- protested.

He ignored my question and said, "You need to stop stressing yourself out like this. Archer is going to wake up in a few hours. He's going to recover and he'll be fine, but you won't if you keep worrying so much."

"It's not your problem." I grumbled.

"Stress can have serious negative effects on your health- which is already happening- and I'm your doctor, so it's my problem as much as it is yours."

"Would you just tell me what's wrong with him? Please?"

He sighed and replied, "I'm concerned that the grenade going off so close to him may have damaged his hearing. It's called a Threshold Shift, and there's two types- temporary and permanent. There's not really any way to tell if he has any damage until he wakes up, and the chances of him having none are slim. We'll just have to hope it's temporary- in which case his hearing will return fully in a few days."

"...Will he be able to hear anything?" I croaked.

"He will, but the more damage there is, the harder it'll be for him to hear. So for example, if the damage is severe- you could be yelling right next to him and he'd have trouble hearing you. He might have Tinnitus- which is a constant ringing in the ears- as well, but we won't know until he wakes up."

I didn't really feel like saying anything. Archer was already hurt. He was already going to take about a month to recover. But now he might be deaf as well. All because of a stupid grenade.

I was so incredibly frustrated that I felt like punching a wall.

"Alright, I want you to get some rest. You're starting to look like a zombie." Doc said firmly.

I looked at Archer, then back at him.

"But-"

"No buts. He'll be asleep for at least a few more hours. You're my patient too, and that bullet wound isn't going to heal if you don't get any rest."

"I'll be fine. I have to be here when he wakes up."

"Toad, you and the team left for the mission yesterday night- and I imagine you were up and getting ready for it at least an hour before you left. I also know you didn't sleep on the ride back. So you haven't slept in over a day." The medic pointed out.

"And I won't sleep for another if he doesn't wake up before then." I said stubbornly.

Doc sighed and asked, "How do you expect to be able to take care of him when he wakes up if you don't get any rest?"

"I'll be fine, Doc, leave me be."

"...Would you at least eat something?"

"I'll eat when Archer eats."

He groaned in frustration and waited a few moments, seemingly thinking of a way to reply.

"...Fine, but at least lie down for a while. I gotta give you pain meds for that bullet wound first, though. I forgot to give you some earlier." He said, searching for a syringe.

I eyed him warily.

"I don't need any."

Without skipping a beat, he replied, "No? Well you still need antibiotics. If that wound gets infected, it'll be pretty damn bad."

He rummaged around in a few places before finding a vial of antibiotics, then he filled the syringe.

"Why can't you just leave me be?" I complained, glaring at him as he cleaned my arm with an alcohol swab.

"Because I'm your doctor, and if you're being an idiot it's my job to stop you."

"You're annoying."

He rolled his eyes and injected the medicine into my arm, walking over and dropping the syringe in the sharps disposal container. After a few seconds, waves of drowsiness washed over me. My ability to think clearly- or at all- had disappeared completely.

"What the hell..." I slurred, rubbing at my eyes- which now seemed to have lost their ability to stay open.

Doc walked back over to me and pushed me to lay down on the bed, saying, "Get some rest."

"Nooo..." I whined, unsuccessfully trying to keep my eyes open.

"Goodnight, Toad."

My eyes finally closed despite my efforts, and I fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hi guys! Here's chapter three! :D**

* * *

 **Early the Next Morning...**

As he began to wake up, Archer gradually became aware of something... a sound, almost like a high-pitched ringing. It was by far the most annoying thing he'd ever heard- and it wouldn't stop. His heart beat faster in his chest and his eyes snapped open.

Toad- who had been sitting beside him, waiting for him to wake up- almost had a heart attack when the heart monitor started going wild.

"Archer? Archer, are you awake? Doc! Something's wrong, he-"

Archer's hand squeezed his and he whipped back around.

"Hey, can you hear me?" He asked as Doc ran in.

Archer's eyes jumped from Toad to Doc and back. He could see their lips moving, but he couldn't hear them. Well, he sort of could... They sounded really far away and he couldn't make out what they were saying.

"I... I can't...Toad...?" He stuttered.

When he realized he couldn't even hear himself speak was when he really freaked out. The shock of not being able to hear wore off faster than a fire could start in a drought. It had already been hard for him to breathe, but now he really couldn't. Panic filled his lungs and made them stop working as tears filled his eyes.

He didn't understand what was wrong. The last thing he remembered was being on the mission and taking out enemies... But after that it got fuzzy. He felt completely and totally isolated- and the constant ringing was driving him insane. He could see a blurry Toad trying to talk to him, but not being able to hear him only made him more upset.

Toad sighed and carefully pulled Archer into his arms as he cried. It was the only thing he could think of doing to make him feel better. Seeing the person he loved more than anything so upset made him want to cry as well, but that would only make things worse.

"Breathe, Arch. It's okay... you're gonna be fine..." He said, wishing more that anything that he could hear him.

"I'm gonna have to sedate him." Doc sighed, digging around in drawers until he found a syringe.

Even though he knew it was for the best, Toad wasn't really a fan of the idea. He was so relieved to finally see Archer up and awake that he was almost scared to see him go to sleep again.

"Is he going to go back to sleep?" He asked, rubbing Archer's back.

Doc glanced at them as he filled the syringe, saying, "No, I'll just sedate him enough to keep him calm. He's gonna be a little out of it though."

"...How much is a little?"

"That depends on the person, although I assume he's just gonna be really tired and spacey. Most people are, but Roach... well, he's in a different category altogether." He laughed, injecting the sedatives into the IV port and jotting down a few things on his clipboard.

Meanwhile, Archer was still panicking. He couldn't make out anything Doc or Toad had said in the past few minutes. It was very disorienting, seeing people have a conversation but not hearing it. It made him feel like he was alone.

He couldn't calm down, not even with Toad holding him in his arms and rubbing his back. Usually that at least helped, but losing his hearing had freaked him out so much that even if he tried, he wouldn't have been able to calm down. The constant ringing in his ears certainly didn't help with his stress.

But after a couple minutes, all of that stress and anxiety seemed to float away. He could finally breathe again. His previously tense muscles relaxed and he slumped against Toad, who carefully laid him down and snuggled up next to him.

Doc quietly left the room, giving them some space.

Toad sighed as he gently pulled Archer closer. The younger man was always cold, so it was his never-ending task to warm him up. He went to say, 'I love you', but the words died in his throat when he remembered Archer couldn't hear.

His heart literally hurt.

He thought about the awful possibility of the hearing loss being permanent. He wouldn't be able to stand seeing Archer this miserable all the time, and not being able to talk to him would be absolutely terrible. Archer was his whole world. If he didn't have him, he didn't have anything. Of course, if the damage was permanent, he'd still love him just as much- but it would make everything much more difficult for both of them.

Archer rolled over and looked up at him, mumbling, "Toad."

He smiled and said, "Yes, I'm here."

The sniper watched him intently, trying and failing to understand what he had said. He sighed and pointed to his ear, shaking his head. So Toad tried something else. He pointed to himself, made a heart with his hands, then pointed to Archer. Archer- clearly understanding what he meant- gave him a small smile and made a heart with his hands as well. Toad leaned forward and gave him a peck on the lips, causing the younger man to blush and hide his face in his chest.

"Awww, no, don't hide. You're so cute!" Toad laughed, attempting to pry him off so he could see him properly.

Archer shook his head and mumbled, "Nooo."

He was still blushing like an adorable tomato, which made his boyfriend smile. Making the sniper blush was usually a near impossible task, but every now and then, Toad managed it. He had a feeling all the meds in Archer's system had helped some though...

They ended up just laying there and snuggling for a while before Doc returned.

"How are you two doing?" He asked, scribbling down notes as he looked at the machines next to the bed.

"Archer is feeling better now." Toad grinned, kissing said person on the nose.

Arch made a face and poked him.

Doc laughed and said, "I'm glad he's doing alright, but I asked about both of you."

"Oh... me? I'm fine."

"Okay, well I'm going to change your bandages, then Archer's, and after that you're both going to eat something."

Archer's eyes jumped back and forth between them, the growing worry obvious in his face.

"Hey, it's okay." Toad murmured, running a hand through his hair.

Doc wrote something on a new piece of paper and smiled warmly as he handed it to Archer. It read, _I'm going to change Toad's bandages, then yours. After that, I'll get you two something to eat. :)_

After a moment, Archer smiled and gave it back to him, feeling a bit better now that he knew what they had been discussing. For the first time since he woke up, he felt like he was actually included in a conversation.

"You good?" Toad asked, giving him a thumbs-up and looking at him curiously.

Archer nodded and returned the thumbs-up, making Toad smile.

"Alright, Toad, you're up. Come sit over here." Doc ordered, patting the bed next to the one they were laying on.

He sighed and slid off the bed, grumbling and complaining about annoying doctors as he went. Doc worked quickly with both of them- especially Archer. Despite the sedatives in his system, he was a bit jumpy, but having Toad there helped a lot. After about 15 minutes, they were settled back in bed with clean suture sites and fresh bandages.

"Now, what do you want to eat? And Toad, if you say 'nothing', I'm going to hurt you."

"Damn, well _somebody's_ grumpy today." Toad mumbled.

"Shut up and tell me what you want."

"I can't tell you _anything_ if I shut up."

"Toad." He groaned.

"Yes?" He replied innocently.

"I'm gonna knock you out for another day if you don't stop being a bitch."

"I'd like to see you try."

Doc rolled his eyes and said, "I already did. And I succeeded. Now tell me what you want to eat, or I'll pick for you."

"Fine, fine. I demand to have macaroni and cheese! And Archer..." He continued, glancing at him. "You can grab a strawberry protein shake for him, but I'll try to get him to eat some macaroni as well."

"Okay, I'll be back in a few minutes."

Archer was too tired to ask what they had been discussing. He sighed and laid down, using Toad as a pillow.

"Hey, you can't go to sleep yet." Toad whined, playing with his hair. "You need to eat."

Archer glanced at him and he made hand motions of someone eating.

Understanding crossed Archer's face, but then he shook his head and said, "Not hungry..."

Toad grabbed Doc's clipboard and put his notes aside, finding a fresh sheet of paper and writing, _No, Arch, you need to eat. At least have a protein shake..._

After several minutes of writing out reasons why Archer should eat, he finally caved and said he would. At that point, Doc returned with their food. Well... Toad's food, anyways.

"You make sure he eats." Doc said sternly, pointing at Toad.

"I will! Goodness! You're just like a mom. So damn strict..."

"If you ever behaved, I wouldn't have to be."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Now go away! You're making Archer nervous."

Doc sighed and left, saying, "You two get some rest after you eat! And call me if you need me!"

Archer looked at Toad expectantly and he shook his head, saying, "Nothing important."

Even though he couldn't hear him, he seemed to get the message. He nodded and sipped at his protein shake while Toad ate his mac and cheese. After a minute or two of them eating in silence, he picked up a spoonful of the cheesy goodness and put it in front of Archer's mouth. At first he made a face and shook his head, but after a few minutes of Toad bugging him, he reluctantly ate.

...But after eating one spoonful, he- being the stubborn and independent person he was- decided he didn't want to be fed by anyone else and scowled, taking the bowl from him. Toad laughed as he watched him try to eat with his left hand. He didn't mind him feeding himself- as long as he ate. And he certainly didn't mind Archer eating his food. He wasn't really hungry anyways...

After they finished eating, they laid down together and just relaxed for a while. Archer ended up falling asleep after about twenty minutes. ...Toad didn't have such luck. Just like on the helicopter ride home, he had too many thoughts in his head to sleep.

He thought about the mission and how bad Archer had looked a few days ago. He thought about how terrified he had been of losing him. He _still_ was. And he couldn't help but think of future missions. What if something happened again? ...What if they weren't as lucky next time? He pulled Archer closer at the thought, continuously reminding himself that he was okay.

Eventually, his mind drifted back to his friends. He wondered how the mission had gone, and when they would be back. He hoped they hadn't lost anybody else... His thoughts shifted to Chemo and his heart ached. He felt terrible about it, even though he knew Doc was right.

There was nothing he could've done.

But there was one particularly disturbing thought he wasn't able to get rid of: _How am I supposed to tell Archer?_

He knew Archer would immediately blame himself when he told him. Then he would get all stressed out and try to think of ways he could've prevented it. Stress wasn't good for Archer, as he got bad headaches when he got too worked up. And Toad wasn't a doctor by any means, but he knew that large amounts of stress could cause serious setbacks in recovery. Archer would be pissed if he waited until he was in better shape to tell him... but he decided to wait until he could hear again, at least. And he _would_ be able to hear again.

...But until then, he would keep him in the dark- for his own good.

* * *

 **A/N: I'm sorry this chapter took me forever to finish! I had testing on Monday and Tuesday, and I have more next Wednesday and Thursday, so that's kinda been stressing me out. I love the end of the year (...because it's the end of the year) and I hate it at the same time because of testing.**

 **Anyways, please leave me some reviews and tell me what you thought! I love hearing from you guys! Thanks for reading! :D**


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